Sunday, February 28, 2010

20 Quotes in 20 Days

20) "Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster? We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. Is that about it? We're dealing with a lot of shit."
"Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em."
-Bull Durham

**Bonus Bull Durham Top Ten Greatest Monologues in Sports Movie History**
"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Saturday, February 27, 2010

21 Quotes in 21 Days

21) "Am I to get married simply for the sake of furniture?"
-Crime and Punishment

What's that? Quoting Dostoevsky in my wedding quote countdown? Hell yeah, I just did! Suck it, Trebek!

Friday, February 26, 2010

23 & 22 Quotes in 23 & 22 Days

Whoops, got busy yesterday and never got a chance to post a quote. Double Brooks Friday!

23) "Mervin? Your Mervin?"
-Men in Tights

22) "I hope it's a long ceremony, because it's gonna be a short honeymoon. Hahahaha."

**Double Bonus Day Super Mel Brooks Bonus!!!!**
"Somebody better go back and get a shitload of dimes!"
-Blazing Saddles

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

24 Quotes in 24 Days

24) "Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. And may their first child be a masculine child."
-The Godfather

It's a Sicilian message. Luca Brasi eats, wait, uh, he smells like dead fish...hrm.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

25 Quotes in 25 Days

25) "Do you? Good. Do you? Good, you're married. Kiss her."

*Bonus Spaceballs quote: "I've lost the bleeps. I've lost the sweeps. And I've lost the creeps."

Monday, February 22, 2010

26 Quotes in 26 Days

26) "Not porno tongue. Church tongue."
-The Wedding Singer

(Definitely going to have a few more from this movie in here.)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

27 Quotes in 27 Days

"There's someone out there for everyone- even if you need a pick axe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."
-LA Story

Saturday, February 20, 2010

28 Quotes in 28 Days

28) "Hey Abbott!!!"
"I hate that guy."
-Robin Hood Men in Tights

(I held off until the third one for the first of many Mel Brooks.)

Friday, February 19, 2010

29 Days and 29 Quotes

29) "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."
-Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail

Expect at least one or two more from this scene.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

30 Days 30 Quotes

Thirty days, ladies and gentlemen. Thirty days until I get married. With that in mind, each day from now until The Day I'll post a movie/book quote that has something to do with marriage. Think of it as a countdown.

30) "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... "
-The Princess Bride

(I had to get this one out of the way first)

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Five Fingers Thoughts

Just over four miles after getting the Vibram Five Fingers I am still happy about my purchase. For those of you unaware (Though how could you be? I know you follow my updates like I was Chad Ochocinco tweeting), Wednesday I bought Vibram Five Fingers shoes. These are shoes in the loosest sense of the word. Really, they are just foot-coverings. A rubber sole connected to your foot with GorTex mesh. The idea behind them, which I will get to in a minute, is barefoot running is better for you than running in shoes, even very expensive running shoes.
Thursday I ran three miles, my normal distance for workout days one and two. Going in, my plan was to run until I was too sore to keep running. I was expecting to stop early. I’ve never run any real distance barefoot before, which is basically what I was now doing, and so I didn’t think my legs, ankles, knees, and feet would be terribly pleased with me. I figured the new stresses and pressures would not hurt, but cause sufficient soreness as to make running a pain. I was, as I so often am, wrong. Was there soreness? Yes. But nothing so bad I had to stop. My feet started to hurt, the outer edge and the balls of my feet to be specific. You see, you run differently without shoes on. You cannot heel-strike because there is no cushioning on your heel. All the meat is on the side of your foot. So that’s where you connect with the ground. Not being used to that, the muscle quickly got sore, along with the front of my foot. Like I expected, my gait adjusted itself with little input from me. Having worked out for so long, I know my body. I know when I’m hurt and when I’m just sore. I know need-to-stop-now pain and how it differs from new-sensation pain and good-workout pain. This was merely my body doing something new.
After my three miles I went downstairs and did shoulders/biceps. In the locker room I was stopped by a guy who asked me a question I had asked myself the first time I saw these shoes. “Hey, you gonna work out in those? You bettah watch you don’t drop a weight on your foot.” Like I said, this was an initial concern of mine as well until I thought about it for about two seconds. Two things: 1) I’ve been working out for nearly 15 years and I’ve yet to drop a weight on my foot. So that shouldn’t be a real concern. 2) Check out your Nikes. You really think that’s going to protect your precious piggies from a 45lbs plate?
Instead, I felt as grounded as I have ever felt when lifting. Solid, with a very strong base. Feet are an amazing piece of evolution and when you let them do what they were meant to do they won’t let you down. It’s all in trusting your body. So performing the same lifts as I always do became a unique and revitalizing experience. And stretching, which I would do barefoot any chance I could, was wonderful. The whole experience made me think of lifeguarding, and that always a good thing.
But, I assumed that I would pay for it the next day. Foot soreness would become more apparent as adrenaline wore off and as the muscles made me pay. Wrong again! Woke up this morning feeling no pain. (On the feeling no pain note: the reason I was looking at new shoes in the first place was my knees were starting to hurt. That means my shoes were wearing out and new ones are needed. My knees during the first run? Painless. Woohoo!) Went back to the gym this morning and did leg/triceps day, which means a shorter run of only a mile. And I ran it a little faster than normal. I felt good. Leg presses were strange because I could feel the diamond plate under my heels but other than that it was another day at the gym. A goodness.
Barefoot running sounds insane to us when we first thing about it. You can’t run barefoot, you’ll ruin your feet/ankles/knees/hips! Really? Who wins the New York marathon every year? Some African who has never owned a pair of shoes in his life! How did our ancestors catch food? Did they have fancy kicks? There are people all over the world who go barefoot the whole day through. Not in industrialized countries, we’ve risen about such barbarism. I ask you to consider the foot. Gaze upon it. Hold it in your hand and feel the musculature, the bone structure, the design. It’s a structure built to support the human frame, to make it able to catch food and run from things that would make it food. Shoe technology has gotten increasingly “better” over the last 60 years, yet running injury rates haven’t changed. Look it up, truefact. 7 out of 10 runners have issues with their bodies every year. Why aren’t these new shoes changing that?
These arguments show up in all the literature supporting barefoot sport. And it was the natural aspect that made up my mind for me. The evolutionary support, and the trusting in my body. Barefoot feels better. It’s more fun, and it’s better for you.
Also, these shoes are catching on. I went two places to find them and both told how their stock gets bought up as soon as it comes in. I’ve seen two or three other people in the gym with them on. Saw one yesterday. I was going up the stairs and he was coming down. Our eyes noticed our footwear and we shared a Cantaloupe Allergy Moment.
I would suggest you go try on a pair. You get to wear nifty toe socks with them. Try them on and I dare you not to smile and hop around a little. I think, after two workouts, that I’m going to be very pleased with these for some time to come. I’m a convert. And, since they have no padding to wear out, I’m not going to have to buy new ones until the Velcro dies or the rubber sole does.
Feels more solid already.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A Little Bit Gay

Everyone’s a little bit gay.

Let me explain, using myself as Test Subject Alpha. I am, I admit, a little bit gay. I care what color some things are. I like to take care of myself. Target can be fun. I will, sometimes, talk to you about your feelings. I love (lovelovelove) show tunes. I’ve seen Elton John in concert. And I’m sure the list goes on.
I realize that these are huge gender/sexual stereotypes and generalizations. If that offends you, stop reading now. Click away.
Are they gone? Good. What a bunch of uptight squares, can’t take a joke. Bitches. We hate them.
Everyone needs to be a little bit gay. Think of the manliest guy you know. If he’s not at least a little bit gay, he’s also boring. Think of the girliest girl you know. If she’s not a little bit gay no one can stand her. You’ve got to have some cross-gender characteristics if you want to get along in this world. I’m not saying sex. If you like sex with the same gender, then you’re not a little bit gay. There is no “little bit” of penetration, no matter what that guy said. We can all agree. Nod. Ok, thanks.
So here’s the theory’s corollary: In order to be happy with your partner, you have to find someone who is a little bit gay in the opposite direction you are a little bit gay. Guys, you have to find a girl who is as masculine as you are feminine. Girls, you have to find a man as girly as you are manly. Gay people…I’m not sure how you’d do the math. Something about Butch vs Lipstick or something (Wow, could that have been more offensive? Yes.). This works according to my untested, unpublished, rarely discussed, possibly heinous, and completely improvable All Things Balance Somehow Someway Sometime Theory. You know you’re nodding right now. You know that kinda makes sense.
Be proud to be a little bit gay. When some girl walks by and says she wishes she were liked more and you think, or say, “Popular. You’re gonna be pop-u-lar,” raise your hand up with your fingers and inch apart and say, “Little bit gay.” When you say, “We’re going to start at the very beginning. It’s a very good place to start,” to your class when giving directions then think to yourself, “Little bit gay.” If you watched the Big Game with the boys and got really into it, “Little bit gay.”
We should be part of the parade. Holding up a big banner, “LITTLE BIT GAY.” How confused would everyone be? We need to determine a Gay Percentage so that we know when you’re too gay to get married. Or serve in the military. Or vote, no wait, they can still do that. Damn gay voters! We’ll get them yet.
Go find your Little Bit Gay match at (By the way, if that’s a real website then I take no responsibility for you trying to access it from work. You’re on your own.)
Be a little bit gay. It’s ok. It’s better than being a lotta bit uptight. (By the way, I really wanted to make a Republican/Palin joke here to end on but I couldn't come up with one that worked and didn't kill the fun. God, even in blogs she's a buzzkill.)