BOSS: Ok, what is the next big thing we will be releasing on the unsuspecting public? What are we selling today?
PRODUCT PITCHMAN: Sir, I think you will be very pleased with this. We've been working very hard on it and are quite proud of it.
B: Enough with the set-up. Get on with it. I've got a lunch meeting to get to.
PP: Yes, sir. Gentlemen, what we have developed is the kitchen tool cooks everywhere have been waiting for. This product will make available and easy many of the recipes the common household cook has never yet been able to prepare.
B: Lunch meeting.
PP: Gentlemen, have you ever tried to mash almonds or walnuts? What about peanuts, cashews, or pecans? Have you made almond-crusted salmon? Pecan pie? Chili con Cashew? Home-made peanut butter? What a pain! What a mess. No longer! Not with this!
[WITH FLOURISH, PP UNVEILS PLACARD EXPOSING...]
|Real product! No Foolin'!|
[ALL FOUR BUSINESS MEN MUTTER IN SURPRISE. BUSINESS MAN #1 CHUCKLES UNDER HIS BREATH. BOSS SHOOTS TABLE STERN LOOK AND ALL QUIET.]
BOSS: So it's called the...
PP: Nut Chopper, sir! It chops nuts.
B: Does it?
PP: [enthusiastically] Yes, sir! Chops them right up. Nothing chops nuts like the Nut Chopper! Just put your nuts in there and the Nut Chopper will grind them right up!
BUSINESS MAN #1: I don't know. I've got some awful big nuts.
PP: The Nut Chopper can handle any size nut. I've personally tested this product myself with my very own nuts.
BM #2: Sometimes my nuts can get pretty hard. Would that be a problem?
PP: Not at all. The Nut Chopper handles hard nuts as well as older, softer nuts. Though that does sometimes result in a thick paste.
[BM #2 SUDDENLY BEGINS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AND RUNS FROM ROOM]
PP: Hmm, I wonder what his problem is.
B: [not amused] I can't imagine. So, did you, er, field test many names before you settled on, er...
PP: The Nut Chopper? No, sir. We thought about a few other names. The Nut Grinder was in the running for a while.
[ASIDE- BM#1 TO BM#3]- My ex-wife would buy that!
PP:A few people really loved Nut Muncher. And The Nut Master was in the running for a while there, too. Nuternator was also kicked around. [BM #1 AND #3 FALL TO FLOOR LAUGHING. BM#4 LOOKS AT BOSS, WHO STARES HARD BACK AS IF DARING HIM TO FOLLOW SUIT]
PP: You guys just get a funny text or something? [NEITHER BM #1 OR #3 ARE ABLE TO ANSWER]
PP: Anyway, boss, there you go. We have ten thousand packages for the Nut Chopper all ready [BM #2 JOINS #1 AND #3 ON THE FLOOR]. I can't wait for chefs all over America to put their nuts into our Chopper and start cranking away!
B: [sighs] No, I bet you can't. Ship it out.