Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just How Big is Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball?

Bill Simmons (AKA The Sports Guy on Page 2 of recently completed a 700+ page long book about basketball called, naturally, The Book of Basketball (hereon known as TBOB). Seeing as is it gigantic, my best friend Matt Camino and I spent the day texting ways to describe just how big TBOB is. The results speak for themselves.

How Big Is Bill Simmons’ The Book of Basketball?
By: Doug Robertson and Matt Camino

1) TBOB is so big I've only seen it once, because I can't NOT see it.

2) The Clippers are considering making TBOB their head coach.

3) Wade Phillips wants TBOB on his Offensive Line.

4) TBOB is a central part of the world's strongest man competition.

5) TBOB is so big it's challenging Undertaker for the strap at Wrestle Mania.

6) Even Brett Favre's ego is impressed by TBOB’s size.

7) You have to adjust for the international dateline as you cross a page of TBOB.

8) TBOB has the same trainer as McGuire, Sosa, Clemens, and Bonds.

9) TBOB is so big my copy birthed three smaller books about the Celtics, the ABA, and Larry Bird.

10) TBOB is so big Peter Jackson is making it into a trilogy.

11) Tom Cruise left Scientology and now worships TBOB.

12) TBOB has it's own weather patterns.

13) Gene Simmons claims he invented TBOB.

14) The 2016 Summer Olympics are being held on TBOB.

15) TBOB takes 1000 years to biodegrade.

16) TBOB is so long it used every word in the English language... twice.

17) A double: If you loaded TBOB onto your Kindle, a) you can't, you would need two Kindles or b) the machine actually gets heavier.

18) TBOB is so big it was what Sarah Palin could actually see from her house.

19) If you burn TBOB, the sun seems slightly dimmer by comparison.

20) TBOB roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris.

21) I clubbed a baby seal with TBOB.

22) The military is dropping TBOB on caves in Afganistan to make them implode.

23) TBOB is now considered an alternative to cinder blocks.

24) I carved TBOB out and made a canoe.

25) TBOB has replaced the Blue Whale as the world's largest mammal.

26) TBOB is the new Pluto.

27) TBOB is more challenging to climb than Everest.

28) The plane Matt’s taking to Hawaii was made from pages 231 to 756 of TBOB.

29) The printing of one copy of TBOB takes three Amazon forests.

30) It's official, TBOB is now the 8th wonder of the world.

31) Texaco is currently drilling TBOB for oil.

32) Carnival Cruise lines just announced a new 10 day Caribbean cruise on TBOB. Table of Contents suites are going fast.

33) Visa is changing its name to TBOB, because it's everywhere you want to be.

34) Habitat for Humanity is calling TBOB a "pre-fab wonder". It's cut building time down to one day.

35) Conan O'Brien recently accepted an offer to host a late show on TBBN.

36) TBOB is so big we should refer to it as Mr. Book of Basketball.

37) I'm currently using a spare copy of TBOB as a carport.

38) Costco wanted to carry TBOB, but it wouldn't fit in the warehouse.

39) TBOB is so big that if it were a theme park ride, you wouldn't be allowed on it.

40) *Poor taste/Too Soon? Alert* Someone dropped their copy in Port-au-Prince and, well,... you know...